Legend of Zelda: Parody of Time and Space
by LordSlifer
Summary: This is my first story as an aspiring author. I hope you like it. It is my version of Ocarina of Time. Enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

_Author's Note:Try not to be too hard when reviewing, this is my first story. Also, I do not own Legend of Zelda or any of the characters in this story._

"In the vast deep forest of Hyrule...long have I served as the guardian spirit...I am known as the Deku Tree," said the Great Deku Tree.

"Uh...who are you talking to," asked Navi. "I'm the only other one here."

A branch came down and hit her, driving the fairy into the ground. "Don't interrupt me when I'm giving the opening monologue. Now where was I? Oh yes...ahem...the children of the forest, the Kokiri, live here with me. Each Kokiri has his or her own guardian fairy. However, there is one boy who does not have a fairy."

"Are you talking about Link?" asked Navi as she floated back up from the ground, just in time to get smashed with another branch.

The scene changes to Link's house, and it shows a nightmare he is having. He is standing outside a castle gate in a storm, and a drawbridge is lowering. A fairy is floating around him, and he sees a girl and a woman on horseback riding away from something. The girl looks terrified. A man in black armor rides up and smirks evilly. Link screams as loud as he can.

"Ow. Wait, did you hear something?" SMASH!

"I thought that I told you not to interrupt," yelled the GDT. "Now, what was I going to- oh never mind. I need you to go get Link so I can eat hi-I mean so he can get rid of this parasite inside me," said the Great Deku Tree, his eyes moving left and right shiftily.

"Okay, that's totally not suspicious at all."

Navi flew through the forest, looking at random Kokiri, occasionally saying HEY to people. She finally found the house where Link was sleeping. She burst through the door. "Hey Link I'm your new partner," she yelled. Link jerked awake, startled. Unfortunately, he was right next to the window.

"AAAAAAAH!" SPLAT! Link landed face down in the dirt outside his house. Navi just hovered there, too stunned to even facepalm. _This is going to be a long adventure_, she thought.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

**Author's Note: Sorry I'm a bit late. I have been working on a new project, which I hope to unveil sometime soon.**

**Lord Slifer: (offscreen) Okay you robot ninjas, I said what you wanted. Now let me go.**

**Ninjas:Never**

**Sound of intense buttkicking**

**LS: Well, now that I'm free, let the story commence.**

After Link recovered from his fall, the two set out to go to the Great Deku Tree. They walked across the clearing in the forest where all of the Kokiri lived, and towards the Great Deku Tree's residence. As they got closer, a fairy appeared out of nowhere, followed by a small boy.

"What? Where the heck did you come from?" asked Link.

"I've been standing here this whole time," answered Mido, king of the Kokiri (self-proclaimed, of course.

"Well get out of our way. We need to go speak to the Great Deku Tree."

"Too bad," snapped Mido. "Only Kokiris who have fairies are allowed in here."

"I've been floating around Link's head this whole time!" yelled Navi. "What am I? Chopped liver?"

"What? You got yourself a fairy? I thought it was just a mutated mosquito." said Mido. "Well I still won't let you in until you go get a sword and shield."

"Why would I need a sword and shield to go see the Great Deku Tree?". asked Link.

"Oh you'll see," said Mido mysteriously.

An hour passed. Link was still trying to get past Mido. Link went left. Mido went left. Link went right. Mido went right. Link went left. Mido went left. Link went right. Mido went right. Link went left. Mido went left. Link went right. Mido went right. Link went left. Mido went left. Link went right. Mido went right. Link had a sandwich. Mido had a sandwich. Link went left. Mido went left. Link went right. Mido went right. Link went left. Mido went left. Link went right. Mido went right. Link went left. Mido went left. Link went right. Mido went right.

"Enough already!" yelled Navi.

"I told you already," said Mido, "you can't get past me until you get a sword and shield."

"What if I just paid you 20 bucks, and you pretend not to see me," suggested Link.

"No."

"How about if I give you 10 bucks."

"No."

"Okay, okay. You strike a hard bargain. You pay me 10 bucks and then pretend not to notice."

"What? That isn't even a good deal!" exclaimed Mido. "Whatever, it's your funeral," he said, stepping to the side.

Link didn't even notice, since he was too busy running in. A Deku Baba popped up in front of him. He got ready to fight it, then realized he had no weapon to use. "Oh crap!"

Outside in the forest, Mido heard screaming and crying. He ignored. He smirked when Link came back out with a bite on his shoulder. "I told you so."

Link ignored him and walked by muttering, "Stupid Deku Baba. It almost had me before I started strangling it and bashed a rock on its head." Mido started backing away. "Oh well, I better go get a sword," Link said. "Then I can take revenge on anyone who's ever done me wrong." Navi backed away as well. "Hey, where did everybody go?" questioned Link. "Oh well." He went back to muttering.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

**A/N: This is the longest chapter so far. Not much else to say.**

"Okay," said Link. "Now we have to get a sword and shield."

Navi, who had mysteriously appeared out of nowhere, asked, "Why did you just say that?"

A random Kokiri was walking by. "Oh he was just informing the audien-oh wait I didn't mean it!"

A tall, mysterious man in a dark red trenchcoat materialized out of nowhere. "Too late." A beam of energy blasted out of his hand and blew the unfortunate kokiri into a pile of ashes.

"What just happened?" asked Link, not comprehending what he had just seen.

"That's the author," explained Navi. "Poor Steve incurred his wrath by breaking the fourth wall."

"Ohhhh," said Link knowingly. "What's the fourth wall again?"

"It's an imaginary-you know what, screw this. Its a rule that says don't talk to the audience. If you do, the author will kill you. Actually, you know what, talk to the audience. It'll make my day better!" Navi exclaimed.

"Oh, okay." Link began as he started walking. "Hi audience." As soon as he said this, a bolt of lightning streaked out of the sky towards him. He stepped out of the way, and it magically hit Navi, who fell to the ground. "Are you the one whose playing as me? Yeah, you, with the controller." A stampeding Moblin ran out of nowhere on a direct path towards Link. He somehow dodged, and the Moblin trampled Navi as she tried to get up. "I think we need to make a few changes around here. First of all-." He was interrupted by a meteor falling which deflected off his shield and impacted on Navi. The resulting shockwave ripped up almost a quarter of the trees in the forest, and killed half of the Kokiri population.

"Stop breaking the fourth wall!" yelled Navi angrily. Then her anger turned to confusion. "Wait, why am I not dead?" She wondered out loud. "I mean, I did just get struck by lightning, trampled by an angry Moblin, and hit by a meteor."

"Silly Navi," said Link. You're one of the main characters. The author can't kill you or the fabric of this story will rip itself apart and our world as we know it will end."

"Ok, that seemed too correct for you, Link. There has to be some part of that you didn't understand.

"And then we'll have a big surprise party."

"Yep, there we go."

Link and Navi went to look for the legendary Kokiri sword. Well, Link was looking and Navi was trying to keep herself from strangling him.

"If you look under one more rock or behind one more blade of grass, THEN I WILL BEAT YOU TO DEATH WITH YOUR OWN SKULL!"

"I don't think that's physically possible."

"Oh really..."

Flashback:

Navi is sitting at a restaurant. A passing waiter trips and dumps some food on her. He scrambles backward trying to apologize as she gets up out of her chair. Her blue aura starts flashing golden, and random lightning starts flashing in the background. "You spilled food on the wrong fairy," she yells. "Raaaaaaaaah!" In a blinding flash she transformed. "I have surpassed the limit of my race and become what you fear most. A super Navi." Faster than his eyes could follow, she hurtled across the room, and...

End of flashback

A/N Lord Slifer here. I snuck in during the transition. I just wanted to let you know that the flashback ended early because this story is rated T. Back to the story.

...nk and Navi were walking to the training ground. "Man I can't believe that the audience missed that whole awesome fight scene we just had. That was awesome when you killed 20 robot ninjas with your little finger Navi! Well time to go get a sword."

Navi just stared at Link. "What are you talking about?" she asked. "All we did was walk across the village."

"Then what are those?" Link queried, pointing at the dead robot ninjas sprawled on the ground. Navi and Link looked at each other, then walked away and pretended not to notice.

As they were heading to the training grounds, Navi had a sudden thought. "Crap," she thought, "we just wasted another chapter on filler."


End file.
